⚠️ Editor’s Note / Disclaimer While I am not a medical expert, this summary has been compiled to the best of my ability to clarify a common misconception. Although I aim for accuracy, there may be errors.

Autistic adults consistently report smaller social networks, higher loneliness, and lower satisfaction in friendships and romantic relationships than non-autistic adults. For example, Chan et al. (2023) note that adults across the spectrum have poorer social relationships than neurotypical peers, and only about 60% of autistic adults report having a close friend (which correlates with reduced loneliness).Loneliness in autism is strongly linked to anxiety and depression: Mazurek (2014) found that greater friendship quantity and quality were associated with decreased loneliness and better emotional well-being (higher self-esteem, lower depression/anxiety). Conversely, many autistic adults report feeling isolated; in clinical surveys more than half indicate an absence of close social ties. Autistic individuals often want friendships and romantic connections, but they frequently encounter barriers to forming or sustaining them. Overall, empirical studies show autistic adults face real challenges in developing and maintaining satisfying relationships, with smaller networks and higher loneliness than typical peers.

• Cognitive and Sensory Demands of Socializing
• Medical vs. Neurodiversity Models: Why “Seek Therapy” Falls Short
• Evidence-Based Support and Inclusion Strategies
• Conclusion
• References

Cognitive and Sensory Demands of Socializing

Social interaction can be cognitively and emotionally taxing for autistic people. Qualitative studies describe socializing as a “social battery” - a finite resource that is easily depleted by the effort of conversation, non-verbal cues, and masking behaviors. Walsh et al. (2025) report that autistic young adults find typical social conventions “cognitively demanding, emotionally exhausting, and sometimes leading to feelings of inauthenticity”. Autistic participants liken “people-ing” to running a marathon: the constant monitoring of eye contact, tone, and hidden rules requires thinking “ten times more than anyone else” and quickly causes burnout. Sensory overload in noisy or chaotic environments further compounds this stress. In practice, many autistic adults cope by planning activities that involve less face-to-face interaction (e.g. online chats, attending events where social norms are reduced) or by taking extended breaks afterwards. When environments are unaccommodating (too bright, too loud, unpredictable), these demands spike and exhaustion intensifies. In short, the neurocognitive load of socializing is higher for autistic people, meaning they may need more space, predictability, and acceptance to engage comfortably.

Medical vs. Neurodiversity Models: Why “Seek Therapy” Falls Short

Telling an autistic person to simply “seek therapy” for social needs reflects a medical model assumption that the individual is deficient and must be fixed. In contrast, the neurodiversity perspective argues that autism is a form of diversity, not a pathology. Chan et al. emphasize that a neurodiversity framework “challenges the use of normative outcomes as the benchmark for success” in social participation.Under this view, autistic differences in social behavior are strengths or variations, not inherent deficits. Social and environmental barriers (stigma, inaccessible social spaces, lack of autism-aware peers) magnify the impact of those differences. Therefore, advising an autistic person to “seek therapy” without addressing context is ineffective at best. It ignores evidence that social support and community inclusion - not just individual intervention - are critical for well-being. Indeed, Valderrama et al. (2023) note that “social support is a protective factor in the mental health of autistic people”.In practice, many therapists lack autism-specific knowledge, so therapy is often experienced as misunderstanding or worse. Thus, the reflexive “seek therapy” response is widely viewed by autistic self-advocates as dismissive and even harmful, because it glosses over systemic factors and implies something is “wrong” with the person.

Evidence-Based Support and Inclusion Strategies

Research highlights alternative approaches that respect autistic social needs:

• Autistic-led Peer Support: Programs delivered by autistic facilitators can be highly acceptable and effective.For instance, Shea et al. (2024) evaluated an autistic-led peer support group and found high satisfaction (90% of participants were satisfied) along with significant reductions in unmet needs. Stakeholder interviews similarly emphasize that autistic people benefit from peer support networks, where shared understanding encourages mutual support.

• Community Inclusion: Broader efforts to create welcoming social spaces (e.g. autism-friendly events, clubs centered on special interests, workplace inclusion policies) help autistic adults connect. Embedding autistic individuals in mixed neurodiverse settings, with awareness and accommodations (quiet areas, clear communication), reduces anxiety. Studies show that having even casual social contacts - “weak ties” outside one’s core friend group - can significantly boost well-being. Pellicano & Heyworth (2022) report that autistic people found joy in incidental interactions (e.g. brief chats at the park), suggesting programs that foster such low-pressure encounters can be valuable.

• Structured yet Flexible Groups: Organized social skills or interest groups (e.g. meetups, hobby classes, autism-supportive social skills training) provide predictable frameworks for interaction. Importantly, these should be tailored to autistic ways of relating - for example, focusing on shared activities rather than forcing small talk, allowing written or online participation, and setting clear agendas. Such structure helps manage cognitive load while still offering opportunities to practice social engagement. When done with flexibility and respect for individual preference, these programs can improve social confidence without the stigma of traditional therapy.

By contrast with a one-size-fits-all “therapy” mandate, these evidence-based practices recognize the social needs of autistic adults on their own terms. They work by modifying the environment and supports rather than “curing” the individual.

Conclusion

In sum, telling autistic adults to “seek therapy” for wanting friendships or relationships ignores the scientific evidence. Autistic people frequently face genuine loneliness and relationship barriers.Their social struggles often stem from mismatches between neurodiverse brains and a neurotypical world - not from a lack of will. A neurodiversity-informed approach would advocate for acceptance, accommodation, and community-building, rather than pathologizing advice. As research shows, peer support and inclusive social opportunities effectively reduce isolation and improve well-being. Ultimately, responding to an autistic person’s social needs requires empathy and systemic solutions, not dismissive cliches.

References

• [1] Chan, D. V., Goatie, J., Pyne, C., & Pratt, C. (2023). Beyond friendship: The spectrum of social participation of autistic adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 53(1), 424–437.
• [2] Mazurek, M. O. (2014). Loneliness, friendship, and well-being in adults with autism spectrum disorders. Autism, 18(3), 223–232.
• [3] Shea, L. L., Wong, M.-Y., Song, W., Kaplan, K., Uppal, D., & Salzer, M. S. (2024). Autistic-delivered peer support: A feasibility study. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 54(1), 409–422.
• [4] Valderrama, A., Martinez, A., Charlebois, K., Guerrero, L., & Forgeot d’Arc, B. (2023). For autistic persons by autistic persons: Acceptability of a structured peer support service according to key stakeholders. Health Expectations, 26, 463–475. DOI: 10.1111/hex.13680.
• [5] Walsh, Ó., Linehan, C., & Ryan, C. (2025). Social skills through an autistic lens: A qualitative analysis of young adults’ insights and experiences. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Advance online publication.
• [6] Pellicano, E., & Heyworth, M. (2025). Weak ties and the value of social connections for autistic people as revealed during the COVID-19 pandemic. Communications Psychology, 3(1), Article 36.